Today is July 27, 2009. Wow. Time flies. I still remember coming to Melbourne at June 27 in the evening. I was picked up by a driver from Deakin and went directly to International House. Several Indonesian girls were waiting for their cab when I entered the gate of my future living house. They were just giggling, how young they were.
I came with my brother, feeling exhausted and wanting to go bed immediately. However, there was a sense of loneliness as I entered my room at that time. I felt wanted to cry, I don't like this place. As I went to the city the next day I felt wanna move to the city! Hahaha....
As the days gone by, I went to many places with my brother, realizing, for the first time, this is gonna be the last holidays only for the two of us abroad. I'm gonna welcome a new member of the family, a new sister to share with :). At that time I realized for the first time how fast time changes. Whoa! It seemed only yesterday I went to US and Singapore. It seems only yesterday I entered my first days in bachelor degree. It seems only yesterday I want to study abroad so bad, and here I am, in this new place, pointing out some pictures with my dream winter coat (hahaha). I am the one who is the picture, I am not just admiring other people's pictures when studying abroad. I'm living out my dreams now.
When my brother left, I thought I would be lonelier than ever. God is good, I spent my remaining holidays before going back to school with my old friends, meeting them at church, and they showing me around. I feel grateful for this.
Then school started. Jesus, it is hard! I feel the sense of panic like what I did have in high school. Not having enough time, enough for social life and everything. I felt so stressful that I even got sick last weekend, and I didn't go anywhere, except going to Boxhill for an hour to buy groceries.
The two day break did give me a positive impact, I reorganize my mind. I am here for a purpose. I am here to learn about life, not only materials. I know that I am going to pass this phase, although it's not easy. Look at what I have done when I was stressful last week. I forgot to bring my room key and I had to wait for three hours for my caretaker to come. I forgot to press the start button for my laundry. I forgot to take my USB in the computer lab, which, sadly to say, is still missing until now. I'm focusing merely on myself, not the others. And what life is if it is not shared for others? What's the point of learning meditation if I get panic easily? Life changes, always changes, why do I have to face everything in a hard way? I can think properly when I'm not panic, when I don't hate, when I don't feel sorry for myself.
Whatever it is, at the end of the first month, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for this opportunity. I'm grateful for having my parents, my family. This is the time for me to really appreciate what they have done for me. My mom, my dad, wow. How easy I was complaining that my mom's cook was not good, and here I am, eating the same stuffs over and over again, feeling bored. How often I argue with my dad, and I know the fact, without him, I won't be able to fund my own study here. For whatever the reason is, I believe parents will do everything for their kids. They do have flaws, it is our job to understand and to forgive them.
I remember my best friends, for whom my heart lies. I really appreciate for the colors they have given in my life, and for the understanding from Adrie as well. It's not easy for us to depart this way, but we have a dream to share, and my study is part of the fulfillment of those dreams in a few years ahead. I remember feeling half - ashamed to tell him that I go to church here, even start my devotion to Mother Mary. Tessa, a person who is always skeptical about Catholic now starts being a religious person. If only seeing means believing, then it means I still have big ego.
I can only say this in a few words to summarize.
I know I am looking forward to...
living out my other dreams.
