1 October

It's so funny how things go so fast. Eight years of ups and downs, and I have to admit that we're not always be a good team in dealing with many things. Basically we have different characters, and it's quite possible for us to fight at all times.

And the last time that we had argued a lot was about the future. I didn't know what his plans were, where we headed to. Well, we know where wanted to head, but we didn't know how to get there. He asked me to trust him, but how? There were times when I felt so doubtful of whether or not we could make it. Whether I pushed him too much, or whether it was just me who was more mature or had better vision at that time.

I guess it takes time for people to grow. A couple may not always grow in the same pace, but as long as the one of the parties is patient enough, to wait, to guide, to assist, the other one will eventually get up and walk in the same path. It may take time, patience, and even lots of consideration - since it's possible that both of the parties will never be able to walk in the same path, at the same pace. And that's the time when the couple may decide to separate.

I need to accept that our time still has a long way to go. Yet as we discussed lots of things these days, I can say that I'm a bit relaxed since I know that he has changed a lot. He understands my objections in that he often made reckless decisions without thinking much about the future. About me. About us. He understands my objection about the future - where and how we want to be. For I myself, I need to understand, to accept, to listen. Most importantly, I need to forgive him. For his mistakes, for my own mistakes, for our inabilities to communicate our own thoughts to one another.

I remember one of my meditation friends told me, which more or less said that the old love will die, but the new ones will nurture.

Eight years with you, and yet everything starts from zero again. We're having a fresh start. The future is still unknown, but even if we don't make it, I know I have learned many things from him. A lot. We grow together, and I'm grateful for that.

Happy 8th anniversary, love.

Leaving

I'm writing this note after one of my housemate, Show Lin just left. She knocked on my door and we took a picture.

I remember similar things happen last time. My other housemate, Ali, left as we were about to become good friends as well.

In my one year in Melbourne, I always feel that I don't really have many close friends. I have friends, but not that close personally. Meanwhile I'm a kind of person who enjoys personal relationship, to talk to people and to share things. In other words, I feel lonely here. Things are tough with the heavy materials, and at the same time I feel little companions.

As I watched the two trimester past, I finally realized that I've actually found many good friends here. Sadly, exactly one month from now, I'm leaving. It's so fast, too fast. It reminds me that everything changes so quickly, and I cannot grip those things too tight. I'm learning to let go - because that's exactly what I have. Friends, family, lover, money, happiness, will change quickly. Who am I to make things go exactly as I want?

I received my international graduation invitation yesterday. I was numb. So close. Or too close? I need more time to digest things, I need time to reflect. What have I done here? I guess, when I receive my real certificate, implicitly I'm accepting my 'certificate of life' as well. I have completed one phase of my life. I have a new vision. I have changed.

Now I'm going to find a job and ready to write a new chapter.