So Much for a Wedding

After having a long talk with my boyfriend, and seeing my friends preparing their wedding and stuffs, I contemplate myself and come to several conclusions. Again, this is my personal thoughts, and please don't be offended with what I'm going to write.

My boyfriend always told me that what lies of a marriage is the marriage life itself, not the party. I absolutely agree with him. However, I just understand a few things.

Marriage is a sacred thing, when you make a promise in front of God to be committed to your partner, etc. Thus, the true essence of marriage will be the wedding vows, which, for some people, are just ordinary vows. After this crucial ceremony, normally the couple will have a feast to celebrate and to share the happiness, i.e. you treat them well, for the hopes the kindness made that day will ease the journey coming ahead.

What I see today is that people emphasis more on the wedding reception, not the religious ceremony. So much for the reception, so much for the dress, the flowers, the pictures, everything should be number one, for the argument that this celebration is only for once in a lifetime.Yes, it is for a lifetime. But really, we need to understand that the emphasis should be on the commitment which we made that day. Not what kind of party that you're going to have. Not about inviting as many as people as you can, to show off. It doesn't matter if there's only two of you to make the promise, as long as you are committed. Because when you are committed, you will grow together, and that's the underlying reason of why people get married, isn't it?

Oh well, again, I'm having the random thoughts...

Random

Well, I actually realized that I've been soooo stressful for years, making me feel like a gloomy person, and whatever you called it.

I remember the first time I came to Oz I hoped that everything will change.

It turns out they are not. I become more stressful than ever, until I come to a point, when I just wannabe free. Some people said that it might be a bit too late, since I've got my freedom in Oz here, but it's never too late to start changing right?

I'm so afraid to return to be honest. My freedom, which I cherish the most lies here. Even when my mom decided to come early, I was n0t happy at all. I need time to be alone. I know that she means to help me out and stuffs, but I really, really need time to go back alone.

I'm ready to write a happy ending in this chapter though. It just makes me wonder that I wanna do what I wanna do, no matter what people say. I do have other things to fix anyway, like my relationship which is pretty ups and downs ever since I come here - which makes me believe that it takes a lifetime to understand a person and....there's no guarantee that it will reach a happy ending.

I'm doing this as far as what I can do now. Although I have dreams with him, it doesn't mean that I'm gonna sacrifices my other dreams.

It's kinda funny but I wanna go home, and I don't wanna go home at the same time. Maybe I'll accept the offer and stayed in a boarding house alone instead. But I also feel that it's a selfish decision, is it?

*udalah, mendingan jalan jalan dulu gua mumpung di sini*