First Month in Melbourne

Today is July 27, 2009. Wow. Time flies. I still remember coming to Melbourne at June 27 in the evening. I was picked up by a driver from Deakin and went directly to International House. Several Indonesian girls were waiting for their cab when I entered the gate of my future living house. They were just giggling, how young they were.

I came with my brother, feeling exhausted and wanting to go bed immediately. However, there was a sense of loneliness as I entered my room at that time. I felt wanted to cry, I don't like this place. As I went to the city the next day I felt wanna move to the city! Hahaha....

As the days gone by, I went to many places with my brother, realizing, for the first time, this is gonna be the last holidays only for the two of us abroad. I'm gonna welcome a new member of the family, a new sister to share with :). At that time I realized for the first time how fast time changes. Whoa! It seemed only yesterday I went to US and Singapore. It seems only yesterday I entered my first days in bachelor degree. It seems only yesterday I want to study abroad so bad, and here I am, in this new place, pointing out some pictures with my dream winter coat (hahaha). I am the one who is the picture, I am not just admiring other people's pictures when studying abroad. I'm living out my dreams now.

When my brother left, I thought I would be lonelier than ever. God is good, I spent my remaining holidays before going back to school with my old friends, meeting them at church, and they showing me around. I feel grateful for this.

Then school started. Jesus, it is hard! I feel the sense of panic like what I did have in high school. Not having enough time, enough for social life and everything. I felt so stressful that I even got sick last weekend, and I didn't go anywhere, except going to Boxhill for an hour to buy groceries.

The two day break did give me a positive impact, I reorganize my mind. I am here for a purpose. I am here to learn about life, not only materials. I know that I am going to pass this phase, although it's not easy. Look at what I have done when I was stressful last week. I forgot to bring my room key and I had to wait for three hours for my caretaker to come. I forgot to press the start button for my laundry. I forgot to take my USB in the computer lab, which, sadly to say, is still missing until now. I'm focusing merely on myself, not the others. And what life is if it is not shared for others? What's the point of learning meditation if I get panic easily? Life changes, always changes, why do I have to face everything in a hard way? I can think properly when I'm not panic, when I don't hate, when I don't feel sorry for myself.

Whatever it is, at the end of the first month, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for this opportunity. I'm grateful for having my parents, my family. This is the time for me to really appreciate what they have done for me. My mom, my dad, wow. How easy I was complaining that my mom's cook was not good, and here I am, eating the same stuffs over and over again, feeling bored. How often I argue with my dad, and I know the fact, without him, I won't be able to fund my own study here. For whatever the reason is, I believe parents will do everything for their kids. They do have flaws, it is our job to understand and to forgive them.

I remember my best friends, for whom my heart lies. I really appreciate for the colors they have given in my life, and for the understanding from Adrie as well. It's not easy for us to depart this way, but we have a dream to share, and my study is part of the fulfillment of those dreams in a few years ahead. I remember feeling half - ashamed to tell him that I go to church here, even start my devotion to Mother Mary. Tessa, a person who is always skeptical about Catholic now starts being a religious person. If only seeing means believing, then it means I still have big ego.

I can only say this in a few words to summarize.

I know I am looking forward to...

living out my other dreams.

Getting Married

You see, when I was small, I've been always fascinated by marriage. The flowers, the dress, the ceremony, everything! I even told people that when I grow up I want to be a bride (consider the other children whose answers would be pilots, teachers, doctors...well, I wanna be a bride).

Unfortunately, I've never been involved in one single marriage. I mean, I've never been a flower girl, not even once! All my cousins got married out of town, or it would be the case that they just had a simple wedding reception so that I only came as a guest, not as a part of it.

Well, in the year of 2009, in January, one of my friends who share the same name with me (hehehehe) got married; then, I just got a news that one of my seniors is going to have her engagement this May (but I cannot come), and then finally my brother is going to get married! Yipppi!!! I know that we're not going to hold a wedding reception for him, my family thinks it will be better to save up the money for other things, and I agree with them. Shaking hands with hundreds of people will not make the party becoming more sacred for me.

As if the news has not been enough yet, my best friend is going to get married as well this year! I promise to give a bridal bouquet for her..

Well, seeing some of the closest people of mine getting married makes me wonder. What does it make me so fascinated by marriage? Is it the dress? The beauty? The idea of being a queen for one day? Or is it because the happiness of finding your true love? Knowing that there is someone who's going to by your side, to experience God's love and even see God in him?

Well, it may be the mixture of all, then. I believe getting married is a step for our life, then we do have to think about it seriously. Yes, love is important, but if you just love someone without considering other things, like jobs, money, responsibility, kids, parents, you will be just blinded...what kind of marriage is it if we just fight every day, complaining many things? And even worse, you fight in front of your kids? Ha? Where is your maturity then? Where is the love that you promise you have? Getting married is a great responsibility because we do have to make sure that both parties have the ability to solve problems, ability to listen, not to hear, ability to accept, not only complaining. Getting married means that you have to be ready for everything, including to have kids whom you didn't expect to come that soon. Getting married means that you can stand by your partner at any time, and I guess the lists will go on.

I'm not ready for that yet.

At this time, I'm just happy and I know my day will come. At least, I have already had my six almost seven - year - relationship and I hope we will make it forever!

Question of Faith

It seems that I cannot hold myself not to write! Well, here is another experience of mine then!
You see one of my best friends, Gitta, just told me something important yesterday. More or less, she told me that if, if I have good knowledge of Catholic, combined with meditation practices, it will be very good for me.

It just makes me wonder...Pak Merta always encourages his pupils to have their religions as well, in a sense, meditation doesn't mean that we cannot have our religions. In fact, meditation can enhance and improve our prayers quality.

I find it difficult to grasp, to be honest. For me, who is raised in a Catholic family but not a religious one, Catholic is a good religion (just like the other religions, of course) but they do have some limitations. I guess it's only my ego though. However, I also find the pastors not to be good enough in facilitating people. I mean, they usually just explain bla bla bla, but what is the relevant? Why do we have to go to church every week? Why does the mass have to be that long?
Do we believe in church, bible, and Jesus, just because we follow what other people do? Just because we are used to them?

I'm not saying this because I hate Catholic, nope, no at all. But I do have the questions about those kind of stuffs. I have many friends who are religious and open minded, and I see the goodness of religions on them. But what about me? I'm grateful to say that ever since I join meditation, it does open my eyes about religions, spirituals. Why do I have to learn the basic things from other source other than Catholic? One thing that you have to keep in mind, the meditation that I join, that I learn does not associate itself to certain religion. In fact, it teaches us to practice our religions wisely. That religion do important.

Well, I really love to learn more about Catholic, but I guess, it will not stop me from having many questions.

A Gift

Well, today I just want to share my experience that I got yesterday.

You see, I am fascinated by meditation lately. I really admire great teacher, Pak Merta Ada, who is just...extraordinary...I mean, he created a system in a way which makes it possible for people who don't know any idea of what meditation is to learn something withing themselves. I have joined the regular class of this meditation once, but I never practiced. Hehehe...Then, I decided to join the intensive classes, called as Tapa Brata I in Bogor, and wow...that point totally change my life.

Ever since the first Tapa Brata, I have joined another three of them. I just feel home whenever I'm there...I feel peaceful. Indeed, I do have problems with my WILLINGNESS to practice every day, but surely...I feel the positive impacts of which. I'm happier.

I thought that I could not join Tapa Brata II in Bali, because the place was just full...however, Pak Merta just texted me yesterday and said that I could join Tapa Brata! This is beyond my expectation! Well, I guess when you want something but you just let it go, if it is really yours, here you go, you're going to get it anyway!

Later on my other writings I'm going to write more about meditation. I hope by doing this, I can encourage the youths to meditate! Let's make our world to become a better one! A new age is arising! :)

Introduction

Well...this is my first blog and I just feel excited about this! Let's see what stories may come up later! For the mean time...I believe that you have to know about me better! I'm Tessa, living in Jakarta (right now) and will go to Melb soon to pursue my study. I love reading and writing actually...but when it comes to writing, I really have to find myself in the right mood, and I usually write only when I feel sad or confused...hahaha...but yeah, I'm not going to write about the miseries here; in fact, I just want to write all my feelings, especially the happy ones! Well, I guess that it will make me learn how to be grateful then! So, enjoy my blog and don't hesitate to leave any comment!